Don’t get drunk.

Don’t tell Tom Hanks that Philadelphia is an intrinsic part of your emotional cleansing routine.

Don’t thank him on behalf of all the worlds Gays.

Don’t scream at Nicole Kidman in the catering toilets then thank her on behalf of all the worlds Gays for showing us Billy Zane’s arse in Dead Calm.

Don’t accidentally roll sideways off a chaise-lounge in a zillionaire’s house in Bel Air while trying to give off casual awesomeness vibes.